"How Do You Build A Love House?"
By talking, working, playing and praying.
Sermon Preached by
The Rev. Dr. Bill Fritz
Sunday, May 11, 2003
Text: Matthew 7:21-29
Ken Medema is a songwriter, composer and performer. In a song that he has written he asks the question: "How do you build a love house?"
The Scriptures tell us that God built the first love house: "God created the heavens and the earth." God created our earthly home to be a place of peace, harmony and love. But the Scriptures also tell us that we have all turned away from God's love house (Romans 3:23). We have turned God's good intentions into disharmony and disunity, and that is why Jesus Christ came. He came to woo us back to God's love house. In the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5, 6, & 7), Jesus lays down the foundation for God's love house. Jesus invites us to build on that foundation. He makes it clear that we are not only to hear His words, but also we are to do them. For it is in the doing of Jesus' words that we build upon that foundation of His perfect love.
To press home His point, Jesus told the story of the two builders who set out to construct their houses. The first one built his home on solid rock. The rains fell, the floods arose. The storms assailed and assaulted that house, but it did not fall. It stood secure in the solid rock. The second builder constructed a house on sandy soil. It was ill-situated. When the rain descended upon that house, it shifted and collapsed and great was its fall.
In the parable Jesus makes clear that you and I can build with confidence on the foundation of His love, so that when the rains, floods and winds and stresses of life fall upon us our house will stand secure.
Ken Medema, the songwriter, echoes Jesus' words. He says that Christ's love is the foundation of his life. As a married man, he and his wife have two children and they strive to build on that foundation. As a songwriter and performer Medema travels extensively. That in itself provides a great deal of stress and turmoil in the love house. Also, like the singer Ray Charles, Ken Medema is blind and this adds a further challenge in the marriage and family relationship. But, says Medema, he and his family are building their love house on the foundation of God's love.
They are building their love house not out of bricks, stone, wood and glass. They are building their family love with walls that will last. Just as there are four walls to most homes, so Medema suggests there needs to be four walls to our love house.
I. How Do You Build A Love House?
In his song Medema says, "It takes talking." The first wall is talking.
In the love house there needs to be talking, conversation, communication. God designed and built the first love house - our world. Talking is a very important part of God's love house. "In many and various ways God spoke of old to our fathers by the prophets; but in these last days he has spoken to us by a Son." (Hebrews 1:1-2) "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth." (John 1:14). God talks. God communicates His love. You and I are called upon to communicate.
Instinctively we know that. Along with the other ministers at TEMC I officiate at weddings. I enjoy meeting with the couples before their wedding and exploring with them what their marriage will mean to them. I ask them what will be important to them in their relationship. Invariably they say that communication - talking and listening - is a very important ingredient.
They certainly demonstrate how important communication is to them. They sit very closely to each other. They look at each other. They listen to each other. They touch each other. They pat each other. Communication is very important to them. It is wonderful the way that they embrace each other in their conversation. I hope it will continue always in their marriage. Unfortunately, in some marriages it doesn't.
Ten years ago I officiated at a wedding. they were so happy. They were aptly suited for each other. They took on counselling seminars. Talking, communication, they said was very important to them. They enjoyed so many activities together - camping, hiking, running, both were excellent parents to their two children. Joan and I moved away from the community. Then, one day I received a letter from him while Joan and I were working in Florida.
"My wife and I are divorcing. We've had no big disagreement. No infidelity."
In his letter he wrote, "We just shut down. She stopped talking, I stopped talking. Soon, we just kept passing each other like two ships in the night. We weren't even eating meals together. It was terrible."
How do you build a love house? It takes talking to resolve misunderstandings, problems, conflicts and resentments. It takes talking to communicate love.
Often it's the little soft words in our talking that creates the larger avenues of communication.
For the one most important word that we can speak in our love house is: "Please."
The two most important words that we can speak are: "Thank you."
The three most important words that we can speak are: "I love you."
The four most important words that we can speak are: "Sorry, I was wrong."
The five most important words that we can speak are: "Won't you please forgive me?"
II. How Do You Build A Love House?
The second wall, says Medema, is working.
Medema himself says that he and his wife work hard at being a loving family. Because he is a performer he travels to many places. Frequently, he's away from home for six weeks at a time. On the road the tension builds. His wife however, is a stay-at-home mom. She looks after two young children. And the tension builds. Medema says when he returns home he's bone tired. He'd just like to rest and relax but there is work to do. He has to re-establish communication with his wife. He spends time with the children just to find out what's happening in their lives. It takes hard work to keep their marriage and family going and growing positively.
A.J. Cronin was a successful doctor in Scotland. A serious illness forced him to retire from medical work when he was still a relatively young man. What could he do? In his wildest and most imaginative dreams he had always wanted to write. So he gave himself to the task of writing a novel. He sat down and he wrote and wrote and wrote. It was frustrating, hard work. The words would not come. It was a lot of trial and error. Often he would go back and correct. Not yet halfway into his writing a sense of futility and desperation seized him. "What a stupid idea! Whatever gave me the notion that I could write a novel?" In disgust he took his badly marked and blotted manuscript and threw it into the trash.
It was raining. (It's always raining in Scotland!) He put on his hat, coat and boots and decided to go for a long stroll in the rain to clear his head. As he walked across the fields he came upon an old friend who was building a stone fence. He watched as the neighbour lifted the stones and fitted them into place like a vast jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes the stones wouldn't fit and the man would laboriously dismantle that portion and rebuild it. He would strain and stretch. He kept at it. He kept at it. Cronin knew that his neighbour had been building this fence for a long time and he devoted meticulous, hard work to its building.
As Cronin walked away he couldn't shake the image of his neighbour striving, struggling and straining - persevering with each stone until he got it right. A surge of determination coursed through him. He hurried home. He rescued his unfinished manuscript from the trash can. He dried it out and went back to work, resuscitating each work, phrase and sentence until he got it right. After several months it was finished. He mailed it to the publisher. He received a reply with a handsome cheque. The novel could be published. The title of his book was "Hatter's Castle," and it became a runaway bestseller.
An article in the Christian Medical Journal asks this question: "When did you leave your spouse?" The article addresses men and women who are married, but perhaps in form only. Mentally and emotionally, they have left their marriage. They no longer work at the marriage. So much busy-ness. So many distractions. Some hurts, some resentments, some unresolved conflicts and the drift and separation begins.
It takes hard work to build a love house. You have to be intentional in your work. You face a challenge, problems, troubles, heartaches and mistakes. You must not hide. You must not turn away. You must work at it. Build your love house brick by brick, softwood by softwood, love by love, a little at a time. Keep on working. Keep on building.
III. How Do You Build A Love House?
Thirdly, it takes playing.
This year in the United Church of Canada we celebrate the legacy of John Wesley. Eaton Memorial was originally Wesleyan and we have celebrated John Wesley Sunday. What an outstanding legacy John Wesley has left us.
John Bready has written a book in tribute to Wesley. He asserts that were it not for Wesley, England, like France, would have been plunged into a bath of blood, revolution and fire. But the Wesleyan revival diffused the explosive atmosphere of injustice and abuse. John Wesley was a great Christian leader. Yet Wesley had no place for play in his life. He stated that he refrained from all levity. For him it was all work. He ate and slept only so that he could work more.
How different, the example of Jesus. Jesus came to accomplish the serious work of salvation, yet took time to play. In His short life Jesus attended weddings. At one, he turned six barrels of water into wine, a sign of celebration. Jesus enjoyed a good party. He was even accused of being a wine-bibber and a glutton. Jesus demonstrated that to follow him we can enjoy good, robust fun and hilarity.
In your love house you need to play. We lived in Florida for five years and one day this story appeared in the newspaper: A husband and wife from the north had enough of the long, cold, harsh winter. They had a four-day weekend so they decided to spend their time in Florida for this short vacation. They managed to get a hotel right on the beach, which was ideal for them. They walked the beach. They swam. They went out at night for some fine dining. Now came the evening of the last day. They resolved they would not waste it. They would get up early, walk the beach and go for a swim before they had to catch their plane.
Early the next morning she got up, slipped on her bathing suit and called to her husband. Groggy, he answered her. "You go ahead, dear, I'll be right behind you."
So she went for her walk, always looking to see where he was - but no husband. She sat down on the beach. Still no husband. She plunged into the pool for a swim. Still no husband. But now she was miffed. With a single purpose she marched right into the hotel room and there he was, still fast asleep. So she fairly yelled: "Get up and let's go for our swim!"
The man roused. He sat up in bed. He looked at her. She looked at him. To her horror, she realized this was not her husband. She had entered the wrong room. Embarrassed, she ran out. But behind her she heard the man exclaim: "Wow! What a wake-up call!"
In every love house we need to play, whether you are married three years, 30 years or 130 years. You need to take time from work. You need to relax, change the pace. You need to play.
IV. How Do You Build A Love House?
The fourth wall is praying.
Jesus was a person of prayer. Jesus was single, yet He came into our world to build a love house for each of us - single or married. He gave us the foundation - His love.
His was a difficult mission. But at every turn, at every bump and bend in the road Jesus prayed. When He was tempted, He prayed. Before He fed the 5,000, He prayed. At His transfiguration, He prayed. In the upper room, He prayed. In the garden of Gethsemane, He prayed. On the cross, He prayed.
Have you and I lost the gift of prayer? Do we sometimes say:
"I can't go on."
"I can't do it."
"It's impossible."
"I give up."
"I have no future."
We need to pray. Ken Medema is married. He's a musician, composer, performer. He's visually impaired. He states that in this love house the family faces great challenges. They pray.
Our class of Stephen Minister trainees faced the daunting task of having to cram 50 hours of study and training down into about 18 hours. They felt discouraged. There were times when some wanted to quit. But they kept on. They prayed. We prayed for each other. We have prayer partners. We pray!
In our Handicapable Ministry our students are learning about the importance of prayers. Several have told me that they pray daily. We want to encourage that. We are introducing the importance of prayer. To help our students to remember to pray we want to give to each of them a teddy bear that we call the "prayer bear."
Prayer is the mightiest force in all the world. Dr. Frank Lauback, great missionary and founder of the world literacy movement, has written these words:
Enough people praying enough will release into the human
bloodstream the mightiest medicine in the universe, for we shall be
the channels through whom God can exert His infinite power of
love. Prayer is to the world of human relations what white
corpuscles are to the human body.
How do you build a love house? We need to pray. Pray to be a better husband. Pray to be a better wife. Pray to be a better dad. Pray to be a better mom. Pray to be a better son or daughter. Pray to be a better family member. Not all of us are married, but we do belong. We belong to the human family. We belong to the family of God. And we can all pray - pray for our family - pray for our friends - pray for our church - pray for our work - pray for our school - pray for our world.
How do you build a love house? It takes talking, working, playing and praying.
This is a verbatim transcription of the original sermon.